How do you be a mom when deployed?

This week has been hard on me emotionally.  I am in general a cold and calculating person.  That does not mean that I don't have compassion for others, it just means that I am a bit logical and measured in how I display that compassion.

But, when I am feeling stressed or lonely, I get colder.  I find it a lot easier to put my feelings away in a drawer and concentrate on the task at hand.  This is a very handy skill because I can really focus on my work and do a great job.  It also is good when you can't fix the situation except for simply working through it.  I generally find crying and carrying on unproductive and I can solve so many things if I don't get emotional.

Me at NKAIA, Afghanistan

But, there are times when this coping skill is not entirely helpful.  I miss my family like crazy, but I try not to think about them too much because I find it distracting from the task at hand and it does not make these months pass any faster.

But, my husband and kids need me to emotionally engage when I am talking to them and writing them notes.  They need to feel loved and missed.  And in my cold coping, I had not been communicating with them how much I wish I was there with them.  And that became very obvious this week when they needed me and then felt rejected.

My goodbye note before flying away in May.

So how do you be a mom and wife from across the globe?  How do you fit in all the love and caring you can in a 15 minute daily phone call?  I don't know.  But I need to figure something out so they know that I too am aching inside and want to be with them.


If you are interested in hearing more from us, there are a couple ways for you to keep in touch!

 

Summer play-shirt using McCalls 6548

Before I left for Afghanistan, I madly sewed trying to get some things done for the kids to wear this summer.  One of the items I sewed was a shirt meant just for playing.

I used view B McCalls pattern M6548 which was a quick and easy sew.  And since this was meant to be just a summer play shirt, I used an old Busch Gardens adult sized t-shirt and some scrap knit for the fabric.

I have been trying to use my larger scrap pieces.  I cannot bring myself to throw them away, but they are really too small for even something for my 3 year old.  But, I had enough of this blue for sleeves … barely!

I simply placed the pattern such that I could get most of the monsters centered on the front and then cut the back.  There was a bit of controversy over me cutting this shirt.  My eldest child had been using it as a sleep shirt and thought I did not have a right to cut it up.  But it was too short for her to wear around anyway and some things just need to be handed down.

Eli loved it.  And I hope he is enjoying wearing it and thinking of me as he enjoys the Alaska summer while I am deployed.

If you are interested in hearing more from us, there are a couple ways for you to keep in touch!

 

Pictures from home

First off, I need to say I have a really great husband.  Every couple weeks I get care packages crammed full of pictures of the kids, kid art, and kid crafts.  He also posts pictures of the kids and him doing fun things on Facebook nearly daily so I can see what they are all up to.

I recently received one of these great packages.  It had two framed pictures from recent outings and a whole bunch of snapshots and magnetic picture sleeves.  The snapshots now can be proudly displayed on my locker in my bedroom.  This locker is becoming covered in art and pictures.  It is wonderful.

As wonderful as it is; I had a pang of hurt when I saw all these great pictures.  You see, last time I deployed, my husband sent a lot of snapshots to be stuck to my locker.  I had a glorious collection of pictures of my then kindergartener and toddler.  But in the years that followed, sometimes one of them would say “Mom, remember when we ___.”  And I have to say “Well, I remember seeing the pictures.  You looked like you had a lot of fun.”  I don’t want to sound down in front of the kids, but I feel like that was a lost year.  It existed for them, but somehow it did not really exist for me.

And now I am receiving snapshots from baseball games, camping trips, playing in the sand at the beach…

Another lost year is occurring.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am proud of my job and what I am doing here in Afghanistan.  I am a part of a team that is making a difference.  But, it still hurts. 

I love those photos and I am sure my husband will keep them coming.  And I will continue to call and hear all about their adventures.  We will all be strong and make it through this separation.

If you are interested in hearing more from us, there are a couple ways for you to keep in touch!
 

The little things

I have been in Afghanistan now for over a month and have found a rhythm in my daily life. I am in a location that is not austere, so life is not too hard. But it is greatly simplified compared to home. 

My husband saw some pictures posted on FB of our living spaces and sent me a couple things to make me more comfortable. 

He thought the shelf in the shower looked too tall so he sent me a command hook shower caddy. I am not THAT short but the thought was very sweet. 

He also sent me a robe and another hook for my robe. 

The other ladies also appreciate the improvements. After all, it is the little things that can make life easier. 

Smelling the roses

Near my work there is a rose garden.  Not only are they beautiful to look at, the smells are delicious as you walk through. And just trust me, this place does not often smell good.

Often on my way into work I take a detour and walk through. Sometimes I even have time to take a seat and enjoy my coffee. 

I have been told, though I cannot vouch for the historic accuracy, that this space was built by the Russians. As the story goes during the Russian occupation in the 1980s, a Russian General needed a space to think. So his soldiers made this garden.

And now decades later, it is a pleasant area for me to sit and think. 

A new direction

I have not been blogging a lot lately because I have been a bit distracted and busy.  I have just recently deployed to Afganhistan for several months.  So, instead of blogging, I used my free time getting ready or simply soaking up time with my family. 

I do have some projects waiting to be blogged but I thought I would also post little notes about my life here.  So, Without Directions will go in a new direction for a few months. 

The pictures are from when my family dropped me off and said goodbye.  I made the outfits with seahorses because my unit patch has a seahorse on it.  I was attempting to create some family unity as I left.  

I sure do miss them all but I am excited to be a part of some good work here.

I will keep you all posted on how it is going.

I have to say something

OK.  This is a fun blog.  A blog about family.  about sewing.  about loving.

It is not a political blog.

But, I (Major Moma) have to say something.

A man named David Wood posted this article on the Huffington Post website.  I felt just a little crazy angry when I read it.  There is sooooo much that is simply untrue or highly exaggerated in this piece.

I wanted to write a point-by-point reply.  I wanted to point out how crazy he is.  How clearly in his journalism classes he was asleep when they taught about fact checking.

The most silly part he wrote was "A brigadier (one-star) general at Fort Drum, with 16 years of service, is earning $131,652 a year plus a housing allowance of $2,247 per month."  I am sorry, no such animal exists.  There are no one-star generals that have only been in the military 16 years.

But, then I saw this blog post by And Then we Laughed.  This lady gives a very rational, well thought response.  She acknowledges that cuts need to be made and that the military will share in the balancing of the federal budget.  But, people don't need to write crazy articles to justify those cuts.

So, I hope that you read the response article.  She has great points.  Great points based on facts.



My husband and I.

And now I can feel satisfied.  I have responded but I have not compromised the integrity of our family blog. 

We can be fun again!

I Ain't Going to Study War No More

Love Vacations,  especially when I get to spend time in a lovely country with lovely grandchildren.  However sometimes the tourist trail takes you to places that cause you to think about your world, the past, the future, and how you  think about things.

We were in France,  and made a stop at Verdun.

Verdun was a battlefield in World War I where hundreds of thousands of men were killed. The War to end all Wars.
Some estimates are that the French lost 360,000 and the Germans lost 340,000.  Some sources say more.  All sources say we will never know for sure.  All sources say how horrible the carnage and suffering was.

 What was gained?  Another war 20 years later.

An old negro spiritual has been ringing in my head as I think about these things:
I ain't going to study war no more
I ain't going to study war no more
I going to lay down my burdens
and study war no more.