How do you be a mom when deployed?

This week has been hard on me emotionally.  I am in general a cold and calculating person.  That does not mean that I don't have compassion for others, it just means that I am a bit logical and measured in how I display that compassion.

But, when I am feeling stressed or lonely, I get colder.  I find it a lot easier to put my feelings away in a drawer and concentrate on the task at hand.  This is a very handy skill because I can really focus on my work and do a great job.  It also is good when you can't fix the situation except for simply working through it.  I generally find crying and carrying on unproductive and I can solve so many things if I don't get emotional.

Me at NKAIA, Afghanistan

But, there are times when this coping skill is not entirely helpful.  I miss my family like crazy, but I try not to think about them too much because I find it distracting from the task at hand and it does not make these months pass any faster.

But, my husband and kids need me to emotionally engage when I am talking to them and writing them notes.  They need to feel loved and missed.  And in my cold coping, I had not been communicating with them how much I wish I was there with them.  And that became very obvious this week when they needed me and then felt rejected.

My goodbye note before flying away in May.

So how do you be a mom and wife from across the globe?  How do you fit in all the love and caring you can in a 15 minute daily phone call?  I don't know.  But I need to figure something out so they know that I too am aching inside and want to be with them.


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