Alone

My boyfriend did something out of the ordinary yesterday.  He asked if I would ever want kids. 

To understand how strange this is, one has to first know a little about my views on the matter.   For as long as I can remember I have not wanted children.  I feel lucky that I grew up with some great influences (Thank you Aunt Jill) who helped me realize my options.  So, not even in my “clock-ticking” hormonal 30’s does the idea of having a human under my care seem like even a slightly good idea.

Lets just be honest about the entire process for a moment.  Baby’s are needy and smell like sour milk. - If you are lucky that is what they smell like.  Toddlers make your whole house sticky with everything they touch.  Something about the combination of baby snot, saliva and grape jelly create a perma-glue that no cleaner can handle.  Children are loud and have WAY too much energy for me to handle.  Pre-teens… well lets just say I remember being 12 and I didn’t like myself either.  Then there are the teen years, which I think is the one age group I could handle.  Accept I would be its mom so it would automatically hate me.  Needless to say, kids aren’t really my bag.

So, you can imagine my surprise went Mr. Lynch asked me if I ever thought about having kids.  He knows my stance and has made it clear to me that his was the same.  Matter of fact, I have not met anyone who resembles Mr. Wilson from “Denise the Menace” more than my loving boyfriend.  Why would he ask me that question?  When I asked him he said he didn’t really want to have one, but sometimes he get afraid of being alone when he’s old.  It was then I realized we had just watched an AARP commercial. 

            It’s funny how we change our behavior and even personality because of our fear of the future.  Every thing from what job we pick to whom we allow ourselves to date.  “Does this job have a good 401K?”  “Is he someone I can settle down with?” But what about now?  I can’t have kids because I’m afraid of living alone when I’m 90.  Not when I think of how it would change my life now.  Buddhists believe that contentment starts in living life in the present.  But the Dali Lama doesn’t really have to worry about retirement or the American health care system.  Where is the balance?  How can I best keep myself happy now and in the future? 

            I don’t have the answer yet.  My only hope is to live now and hopefully die young (However, as I get older so does the term “young”) 

Pairing for life’s confoundment:  Corpse Reviver #2:  Equal Parts Gin, Combier (orange liquor), Cocchi Americano, Lemon juice with a dash of absinth to rinse your glass.  Combine ingredients and stir with ice.  Strain into a cocktail glass and serve up.  It won’t help you find the answers, but you might forget your questions.